Relevant

I suppose I'll have to reserve this blog for my frustrations, since the other blog is supposed to be constructive.

I opened my mail this morning to find a flier announcing another church launch.  It read:

"This piece of mail could change your life forever - Relevant Church"

Thankfully on the back it said, "Of course that is ridiculous."  However, I fear their teaser had already turned off anyone who might ever look beyond it.  Just after that, it read:  

"This piece of mail can't change your life, but we are excited to introduce you to something that can.  Imagine a place..."

Did you catch that?  Apparently this place can change my life.  

"At Relevant Church we believe that church should be exciting, meaningful, relevant and life-giving."

Big words.  A quick perusal of the advert revealed that what makes "Relevant Church" relevant are it's 

1.  "Engaging, powerful worship services (translated:  Hillsong music & dynamic speaker).  

2.  Programs for children from birth to 5th grade

3.  They accept you for who you are

Guess what?  Based on this information, the only thing that makes "relevant church" different from any other contemporary church in this area is it's glossy advertisement.  Oh wait, nevermind, it's not different at all.  We have more churches in this area than we have restaurants!  Why do we need another cookie-cutter church?  Bluntly, because somebody else wants to be in charge.

You know what I want?  I want a different kind of church.  I want an advert that reads like this:

"If you're looking for another church don't come here.  If you're looking for coffee, cool music and fantastic kids' programs... well, we have coffee.  There are better places out there for that kind of thing.  But if you want to love and be loved like Jesus, we welcome you to join with us in trying.  We hope to be good at that someday."

Irony

How ironic is it that all of us want so bad to be somebody, but to truly live for Christ we must live like nobodies.  I can't help but wonder how screwed up.we have it in organized religion, where the most.popular leaders are the somebodies.  Where we try hard to have bigger churches, more followers, more and bigger buildings and programs, more influence - as if that defined our somebodiness.  It all seems horribly topsy-turvy.  It seems like a power game.  I begin to think I want no part.of it.

All good things come to an end.  Even not-so-good things come to an end.  With that realization, I have decided that this blog must come to a kind of an end as well.  When I started it, I needed a place to speak.  I was trapped in a culture, a vocation and a church where I could not voice my thoughts without fear of repercussion.  God was doing something different with me, changing me, placing a different picture of Himself in my heart.  But to share that image with people close to me meant the possible loss of both my job and relationships with people that I cared deeply about.

Possibility became reality.  I did lose my job, along with 95% percent of the people I had considered my family.  I let out little bits here and there of what I believed God was teaching me about Himself and his Heart, thinking people would receive it well - or at least with respectful disagreement. It was met instead with a kind of fury.  So I turned to this blog as a place of healing and reflection over those years.

Now I have come to a different place - both in life and geography.  Much of the hurt is gone.  There is virtually no one to silence me, as I am no longer in a formal ministry position.  God has healed me of much - though I still carry some nasty scars and bruises.  And I have begun a new phase in my life where I am free to be who I am... though I think I will always be careful about revealing myself to people.

I find it unlikely that 2-3 people who ever read this blog will miss it, but I have decided not to renew the domain name dogmaeatdogma.com (it expires December 22nd).  I may still pop in and post here from time to time as it has become my diary of sorts. I never published much here (many posts were never published because I was afraid even you would think me crazy or heretical) but what you will find reflects my heart in its good and bad moments.  If you are some wanderer lost in the back roads of the internet and have discovered this page, I pray blessings on you and that you will encounter in Christ the God who is (despite the opinions of many religious people):

wild.  beautiful.  wondrous.  mysterious.  vexing.  limitless.  knowable.  unknowable.  reckless.  relentless.  shocking.  uncomfortable.  home.  peace.  hope.  selfless.  scandalous.  love.

Unity in Difference?

I have come to find ecumenism to be a valuable and important focus for in life and ministry.  Funny thing about ecumenism, it seems like a virtual impossibility.  In theory, it's beautiful.  According to scripture, I believe it is one of the fundamental focii of the Church.  In reality... I swear, it's like herding Christians.

God loves to throw curve balls.  My first week in the south, we attended a Southern Baptist Church in the area.  Afterward, I introduced myself to the senior pastor and we talked a bit.  We had lunch later that week and he shared that they were looking for an interim worship leader and wondered if I would be interested.  He seemed like a good guy, our discussion was good, and I appreciated his heart.  As an innerantist, he didn't even throw things at me when I said I wasn't.  So we decided to give it a try for a weekend.  Yesterday, in fact.

All things considered, the worship services went relatively well from my perspective.  I was not at the top of my game musically, but nothing fell apart completely.  The church has a blended service, so the music was mostly conservative with some rearrangements of hymns and a few choruses.  It had been a while since I worked with a choir, so that was new.  We'll see how the church felt about things and what happens next in the near future.  But I loved the people and I feel a respect for the leaders in spite of our differences.  I believe the heart of the church is good.

However, when my wife and I attended Sunday School (still not a fan of Sunday School, I prefer weekly groups) we discovered they were going through "The Way of the Master" series, an evangelism training series.  Even those who don't know much about the program would quickly recognize Ray Comfort and his disciple Kirk Cameron (a la Courageous and those stunningly cheesy Left Behind movies).  The series advocates an aggressive form of (what I would call) confrontational evangelism and promises to show you how to:

*  Prove that God exists (and prove it to everyone else)

*  Use million dollar bills and other "witnessing tools" to share your faith

*  Give you confidence in sharing your faith and "saving souls"

And all this is marinated in guilt and served with a spicy hell-fire sauce for your enjoyment.

Now... setting my personal frustration aside, I acknowledge this is "a way" of evangelism.  It is not "my" way, but people have come to know Christ through this kind of presentation.  God works in mysterious ways.  I have my own questions as to the accuracy of the image of Jesus presented to them and whether this form of presentation may ultimately do some tragic damage to everyone else *except* those who respond positively to it.  But I am not God, and he sees fit to work as he sees fit to work.

Still, a significant portion of the material presented is devoted to attacking the "relationship evangelism" approach.  The overt message is that Comfort's Way is really the only way, Jesus' own way - thus the title.  This is where I struggle.  We all have our own ways of sharing and expressing our faith.  But how can we be unified when we are attacking other people for - of all things - the way they share their faith?  The short answer, I fear, is that we can't.

Of course, in the same breath, I have to acknowledge that I myself define my way of evangelism directly in opposition to the methods espoused in "The Way of the Master."  Having spent my time knocking on doors and "shaking the dust from my sandals," I have found that it hurts a lot of people.  So, I won't do it that way.  I choose not to go the way of Master Comfort.  I choose to follow my own best understanding of Jesus.

The real question lies in our willingness to acknowledge that we might be wrong.  Are we willing to say with Paul, 

What does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, (Phi 1:18 NIV)

To be fair, the above scripture passage assumes that the gospel being preached is the same as Paul's.  Now one could argue that Ray Comfort and I (and other relationship evangelists) are preaching different gospels.  That is a difficult issue.  But I believe the heart of the "gospel" message is:  "In Jesus, God is with us, redeeming us and building his Kingdom."  That portion of the gospel is shared among almost all Christian groups.

So I find myself where the rubber meets the road:  can my belief in God's purpose for unity among all Christians withstand my personal frustrations with people like Ray Comfort and those who agree with him?  Am I really able to love and embrace even those whose image of Jesus looks different from mine?  Can I lead with them, worship with them, live with them, love with them and serve them?  Am I willing to let Jesus show me the kind of love he has for all his children?  Am I willing to surrender my impulse to change people, let God work in His own way and simply love them?  I believe that is the challenge Jesus is calling me to.  So, I surrender.

On The Bible

The more I discuss interpretations of scripture, the more I come to an inevitable conclusion.  A person can legitimately use the bible to prove radically opposing ideas.  Yes, I said legitimately.  Over and over and over and over I listen to people insisting and arguing about "what the bible says."  Both sides arguing feverishly (myself not infrequently one of the ones arguing) and throwing scripture verses like stones.  Both sides using commonly accepted interpretive principles (different principles at different locations).  Both sides generally using the Bible as a legal document to prove their point about God or morality or politics or whatever suits their fancy.  And both sides doing so justifiably, coming to valid conclusions that are diametrically opposed.  What does that tell us about scripture?

I just can't help but come to another conclusion:  I don't think we're using scripture the right way.  Scripture is a testimony.  It is a story of how God has worked in the lives of the heroes (and at times, the villains) of our faith.  I cannot find where its writers insist that it is of inerrant nature.  They do claim a kind of authority for themselves and for their writing, but I don't know if the kind of authority it claims is the kind of authority we want to push off on it.  I do believe scripture is inspired, but I fear that my understanding of inspired is not the same as large portions of the Christian community.   Neither do I find that they are consistent with their own specified understanding of inspiration.

The question is... how should we be using it.  Hmmm... I have some ideas.  Maybe I'll consider them on here sometime.

Unconditional (Again)

I am bone weary of the old line, "Scripture never says God's love is unconditional."  First of all, I'm not sure there was koine Greek word that was an exact match for "unconditional."  But it's written all over Scripture in the large letters of God's behavior and heart, even if it's not in the fine print.  Today, someone quoted Hosea 9:15 in defense of the conditional love of God:

All their evil is at Gilgal; Indeed, I came to hate them there! Because of the wickedness of their deeds I will drive them out of My house! I will love them no more; All their princes are rebels. (Hos 9:15 NAU)

Pretty convincing right?  But for God's sake, look at the BIG picture.  God told Hosea to take a prostitute for a wife - A PROSTITUTE! - as an example of his love for his people.  It can't get much clearer than this,

Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes." (Hos 3:1 NAU)  

God loves his children in complete and utter faithlessness.  God's final word in Hosea 9, "Return to me, my anger has passed, I am going to bless you and keep you in my love."  And HOSEA is supposed to be a good example of God's conditional love?  I don't think so.  But to dispense with all this, let me just quote my response to this person:

You're right that scripture doesn't use the word "unconditional." That is a true statement. And yet...

Of the (arguably) four Greek words for love (storge, phileo, eros, agape), "agape" does in fact include the meaning of selfless, unconditional love (as that of parent to child). Of course, if you want to get into the semantics of "unconditional," that's a different matter. Obviously parent-child love requires the condition of a parent-child relationship. But that relationship is generally assumed by people who are talking about God loving his "children" or creation unconditionally.

Secondly, unconditional love is EXEMPLIFIED in the New Testament (and particularly the gospels) over and over again. The stoning of the adulterous woman in John 8 (setting aside the questionable pedigree of that passage), the woman at the well, the healing of the man let down through the roof by his friends, the thief on the cross.

I could go on, but "unconditional love" is most clearly demonstrated in the cross and in Jesus' own words, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." My friend, it doesn't get any more unconditional than that. Jesus demonstrates the very love he taught his disciples (Mat 5:43-48), "love your enemies." Why? Jesus answers, "so that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven." So you can be like God, like your Daddy, who loves his enemies too. "Be perfect [complete, whole]," says Jesus referring directly to that unconditional loving nature, "as your Father in Heaven is perfect."

And this we know, we interpret the Old Testament by the New. JESUS is our hermeneutical key and the cross is our chief interpretive principal. If there appears to be a conflict between Hosea and Jesus, go with Jesus any day of the week.

Faith in Faithlessness

My shoes are wet.  My feet are cold.  I am not enamored with the beauty of nature.  I am distracted by its inconvenience.  It is in these moments that I realize how disconnected I am with the ways of God.  God has created a beautiful mystery even in the fragile wonder of the morning dew and all I can see is how it frustrates my intentions.  That's just like me.  I am not a model of faith.  I am a model of foolishness.  I am thankful that Jesus loves prostitutes and sinners and fools.  I am in good company.

The past four weeks has been one of the hardest periods of my life.  Since we made the decision to move back here, it's been like a 5 mile free-fall drop into uncertainty.  The virtually non-stop work has been a mercy from God.  I have little time to dwell on all the ways this could fall apart.  I'm exhausted at night, but at least I can sleep.  No energy left to stay awake all night worrying, a skill at which I have become exceptionally proficient.

Still, no matter how busy, there is always the loneliness.  I've always felt lonely.  But recently I have been particularly justified in the feeling.  I have no one here.  Traci has her family.  And I suppose I have them as well, though I feel like I am constantly a guest in someone else's life.  I can see her changing a bit since we moved here.  I am glad to see her healing in some ways.  I have put her through so much over the past 16 years, it's a small thing for me to feel lonely so that she can be happy.  I should thank God for letting me see past myself for a few brief moments for the sake of my family.  It's sad to recognize that those moments are indeed so few.

That doesn't change the fact that I miss the people who have become so deeply engraved upon my life.  When things went to hell in Iowa, there were some who loved me through the pain and the betrayal and the morass of despair, hopelessness and crushing self-doubt.  I miss them very, very much.  I thank God for them, and I feel in some ways like I have lost them, even though I know I haven't.  Not really.  Again, you know how much you've loved someone by how much you miss them when they're not with you.

I know that God is with us wherever we go.  But sometimes we really are alone.  I don't think it's right to deny that.  Loneliness is not an illusion.  However, we are never completely alone.  Never without the life and the love that is Jesus.

I am looking forward to what God is going to do here.  At the same time, I'm scared to death of what he's going to do here.  I was reading a biography of Rich Mullins recently and I resonated with a comment that he made about feeling like the plow that takes all the hits as it turns the soil.  In reality, I know that I have really suffered very little.  But I do feel like that sometimes.  I feel like it's my role in life to smack into all the rocks.  I suppose the good news is, all I have to do is weather the hits.  I'm not the one driving the plow, I'm just one of many blades; I just have to stay in the ground and go where God drives me.  That thought makes my heart rise into my throat, and I feel in this moment like maybe that's who I want to be.  Maybe that's who I always have been.  Maybe I shouldn't be afraid to be who I am.  God, please don't let the collateral damage take out my family.  Protect my children.

The past few weeks have been like the dew in my life.  My toes are squishing around in wet shoes now, but the sun is rising in the east and in His glorious wonder God is soon going to burn it away.  And in my own foolish Israelite way, I will miss it when its gone.  I don't know how a person can miss pain, but I always do.  And I'll see how even cold feet are a blessing, and how, if only I had faith, I would have enjoyed the beauty of the dawn.  God grant me the grace to trust you and see the beauty of your love in every moment.

In the same biography of Rich Mullins, there was quote from Brennan Manning's typical benediction.  I want to share it with the me who will read this later - and anyone else unfortunate enough to stumble upon this blog:

May all of your expectations be frustrated,

May all of your plans be thwarted,

May all of your desires be withered into nothingness,

That you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child

And can sing and dance in the love of God,

Who is Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Amen.