Monday, November 26, 2012

All good things come to an end.  Even not-so-good things come to an end.  With that realization, I have decided that this blog must come to a kind of an end as well.  When I started it, I needed a place to speak.  I was trapped in a culture, a vocation and a church where I could not voice my thoughts without fear of repercussion.  God was doing something different with me, changing me, placing a different picture of Himself in my heart.  But to share that image with people close to me meant the possible loss of both my job and relationships with people that I cared deeply about.

Possibility became reality.  I did lose my job, along with 95% percent of the people I had considered my family.  I let out little bits here and there of what I believed God was teaching me about Himself and his Heart, thinking people would receive it well - or at least with respectful disagreement. It was met instead with a kind of fury.  So I turned to this blog as a place of healing and reflection over those years.

Now I have come to a different place - both in life and geography.  Much of the hurt is gone.  There is virtually no one to silence me, as I am no longer in a formal ministry position.  God has healed me of much - though I still carry some nasty scars and bruises.  And I have begun a new phase in my life where I am free to be who I am... though I think I will always be careful about revealing myself to people.

I find it unlikely that 2-3 people who ever read this blog will miss it, but I have decided not to renew the domain name (it expires December 22nd).  I may still pop in and post here from time to time as it has become my diary of sorts. I never published much here (many posts were never published because I was afraid even you would think me crazy or heretical) but what you will find reflects my heart in its good and bad moments.  If you are some wanderer lost in the back roads of the internet and have discovered this page, I pray blessings on you and that you will encounter in Christ the God who is (despite the opinions of many religious people):

wild.  beautiful.  wondrous.  mysterious.  vexing.  limitless.  knowable.  unknowable.  reckless.  relentless.  shocking.  uncomfortable.  home.  peace.  hope.  selfless.  scandalous.  love.