Sunday, March 10, 2013

Without a Home

I am not much like Jesus. I wish I was more like him. These days I do feel like I identify with him in one way.

The gospel describes Jesus as a man without a home.  We find him consistently sticking out like a sore thumb among the "people.of God."  He just didn't seem to belong... in the synagogue, in the temple, even among his own disciples.  Oh, he *did* belong there.  But he was light in the darkness.  He was the true Adam amidst men of dust. 

I am not the light in the darkness.  But I become more and more aware that I don't belong.  I'm not sure whether its because I am a difficult person or because I just refuse to follow the crowd around here.  Both are equally probable.  They are probably two sides of the same coin.  The fact remains that I am slowly coming to question if there is any place in the church - the church here - for me. 

It makes me sad.  Truth be told though, I am not sure what to do about it.  I have sought God.  I won't say with all my heart, because I don't think any human - least of all myself - is free of partial and false motives.  But my desire has been to know Him as He is.  It just so happens that the Him I know doesn't fit the Him that most people know around here. 

In the end, I must be true to the You I know, Jesus.  Help me to do that.  Even if I never find a home.  Be my home.


Matt Ray said...

I'm sorry to hear this Scott. You have always been a fantastic Christian brother to my family.

I'm completely ignorant about your situation but I'll still lend my two cents (advice without knowledge is my specialty).

Church life can be hard. If the church you attend is not teaching the Bible; then leave. If it is teaching truth, I'd encourage you to stick it out because I have yet to find a perfect church. But I wouldn't just stay, I'd talk to the pastor and elders about it. Let them know you're feeling on the outside. Hopefully like a good family they'll work hard to love you as you work hard to love them.

If this advice has missed the mark, please ignore it.

Miss you, Scott.

Scott Dossett said...

Thanks for your thoughts, Matt. I hope all is going well for you guys!